Spring Break
Drew Rants
The many myths of men's deodorants
Drew Owen
Issue date: 5/15/09 Section: Opinion
Many of you use deodorant, so it's no surprise you've probably heard of these brands that are particularly awful: Old Spice, Gillette, Nivea, and worst of all, Axe. You'll wonder why these are all men's deodorants. Being a man, I have a knowledge of these products and I'm not exactly the authority on women's hygene.
First, there's Old Spice. This particular brand likes to promote an image of masculinity that only corporate America can pull off. The website makes it seem that all of their customers are rugged sailors from 100 years ago, and they've landed at port to drink ale and be around buxom blondes. The TV commercials depict their buyers as so manly, they've evolved into centaurs. In the commercial, a studly centaur is in the shower with Old Spice randomly yakking about body wash when his girlfriend walks in to make an appearance and show how if you use Old Spice, you too can be a mutated, interspecies male model with a girlfriend into bestiality. But, I digress.
Next, there's the best a man can get, Gillette. This brand has its root in razors and other shaving products, so it's no small wonder they've made a body wash and a deodorant. The ad people for Gillette seem to think men's grooming should look like an episode of Star Trek. Everything having to do with Gillette is covered in silver boxes and trapezoids with futuristic, blue font and a computer-like sound when the icons are clicked to indicate that thousands of years from now when society has crumbled, people living on Mars will be using Gillette. The Gillette website features a wide variety of tips and guides on how to groom yourself because apparently, their buyers were raised by wolves and don't quite understand hygene.
Now, you get to see what men want and you can become a part of it with Nivea. The people at Nivea have taken the idea of making deodorant into space travel one step further. Instead of making you think deodorant is like space travel, Nivea has become space itself. There's a whole galaxy of products for guys who seem to think they're Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldren. Nivea also boasts their products not reeking of faux natural pheromones. It's deodorant for grown-ups who enjoy flying to Saturn for coffee.
First, there's Old Spice. This particular brand likes to promote an image of masculinity that only corporate America can pull off. The website makes it seem that all of their customers are rugged sailors from 100 years ago, and they've landed at port to drink ale and be around buxom blondes. The TV commercials depict their buyers as so manly, they've evolved into centaurs. In the commercial, a studly centaur is in the shower with Old Spice randomly yakking about body wash when his girlfriend walks in to make an appearance and show how if you use Old Spice, you too can be a mutated, interspecies male model with a girlfriend into bestiality. But, I digress.
Next, there's the best a man can get, Gillette. This brand has its root in razors and other shaving products, so it's no small wonder they've made a body wash and a deodorant. The ad people for Gillette seem to think men's grooming should look like an episode of Star Trek. Everything having to do with Gillette is covered in silver boxes and trapezoids with futuristic, blue font and a computer-like sound when the icons are clicked to indicate that thousands of years from now when society has crumbled, people living on Mars will be using Gillette. The Gillette website features a wide variety of tips and guides on how to groom yourself because apparently, their buyers were raised by wolves and don't quite understand hygene.
Now, you get to see what men want and you can become a part of it with Nivea. The people at Nivea have taken the idea of making deodorant into space travel one step further. Instead of making you think deodorant is like space travel, Nivea has become space itself. There's a whole galaxy of products for guys who seem to think they're Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldren. Nivea also boasts their products not reeking of faux natural pheromones. It's deodorant for grown-ups who enjoy flying to Saturn for coffee.
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